1001 Things Happy Couples Know About Marriage: Wedding Plans Part 1

1. You need to know that marriage is more important then the wedding. And requires more planning.

For those getting married, FANTASTIC! Congratulations to you both for finding each other in this big world. I do advise that before taking the next big step in your relationship. Talk about your plans after marriage. Ask each other, ‘what’s next?’ Before planning your wonderful wedding, talk about life and what you see in each other and what you can do for each other as a married couple. Remember that weddings are one day out of a whole life ahead that awaits. It’s easy to plan for a day or a couple of events prior to the Big Day, but a whole life time takes more patience. My husband and I talked through out our dating stage, and even while being engaged (and still as a married couple), about marriage and what a family should be based on our values. Even after marriage, talk about different values of marriage and the challenges it may face in your relationship.

2.You need to know your relationship will be sanctified. 

Whether you are religious or not marriage is a blessing. It’s one of my biggest pet peeves when people don’t take marriage seriously (there are people out there I know that got married because they think it was a good idea or it only benefitted them). Marriage is blessed with all your witnesses and celebrated with those you love.

3. You need to know you’re promising “till death do you part.” Not “till the good times end.”

Another reason people get divorced so easily (especially in todays world where everyone just wants to give up when the going gets tough). I can’t stress enough how hard marriage is. It is not like the “dating stage” or even the “honeymoon stage,” where everything is always sunshine and rainbows. {Where there are little petty fights here and there, and it is very easy to get over it because that couple might not live together so they don’t have to see each other 24/7}. Marriage is getting on each other nerves, having someone in the opposite sex and total different mind set live in the same roof, having petty fights but still having to see each other in passing, going to bed angry, and lots of miss communication. A lot of people give up their marriage because one or two times of maybe trying to fix it. Then still hasn’t worked out the way that person wants. There will always be one, two, three, four, even fifty chances to give to the person you love. It’s finding those reason to always stay. A strong marriage is based on how hard you work on the bad times that come along the way. Sometimes it means exchanging something important for yourself for that special person. My husband and I have had a rough start in our relationship. Especially him being in the military, it’s not easy. Then him being deployed made it harder. There is a lot of work to put into building a family. Make sure both parties are ready to put in the work, no matter what.

4. You need to know to marry for character more than for good looks or money. Okay, a little more.

I don’t believe when people say, “I don’t go for looks when they see a person.” Physically (unless you are blind), when a person sees another they are infatuated with, that first initial attraction comes from looking at them. After that, then yes, being with someone for character and being more attracted to them because of qualities a certain person possesses, is choice. In an average real world, marrying  for looks or their money will not make a person happy. Humans are made to interact with each other, not objects. Superficial things may keep someone happy for a little while, but not in the long run. Find someone that is based off the same values and understandings in a relationship as you do. If building a family is the goal, find someone that would also love to build a family. If it is someone that wants to wait a long time before children or even do not want kids, find that same person. There is a difference when finding and marrying a person because they like the same things you do, and finding that someone with the same relationship/family goals. To extend, there will always be people that like the shame shows, or like sports, or like to be chill, or like animals, etc…as you. They are great qualities to have when you first find someone. It will help when spending time with each other. My husband and I like some of the same things and some we do not. Before we got married, we made sure we laid down what we see ourselves doing in the future and what we will be contributing into the family we would build. The key point is finding someone that has the same future goal(s). That is what builds up the marriage into something that will last forever.

5. You need to know to use your mind as well as your heart when you choose a spouse.

Funny thing about this advice; my aunt told me this same thing when I was dating my husband now. She told me, “60-40, 60% listen to your mind, 40% listen to your heart,” (that may not be the right percentage, but it was close to it). This basically means, to listen to your mind mostly than your heart. Sometimes our hearts can trick us because making decisions based on feelings can cloud a better judgement. Always think things through, communicate, and plan. What the heart says is very temporary. It can pitter patter to every little thing, any little nice thing or affectionate thing, and can pity someone just enough to marry them. A heart does deceive sometimes. It is also very fickle.

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